“If you want to count negatives, you're gonna get more negatives. If you want to count positives, you're gonna get a lot of positives. The negatives will always be there, count the positives.” -Sean Douglas
“Think positive” ….We hear that all the time. What does that mean? How do we become that type of person? In this week’s episode, Shirley talks to Sean Douglas, founder of The Success Corps, about how to maintain positivity even at rock bottom. Sean had a humiliating career setback, was left alone by his friends, his house burned down, and he became a suicide survivor. When you tune into this amazing convo, you won’t see that man. You will see a drill sergeant, full of hope and positivity! These two will tell you how to grow your mind and become a positive person! Don’t miss it.
Highlights:
02:40 Leave Your Mark
06:20 If Everything Is a Transaction
14:48 The Military Training
20:45 Be Growth Minded
24:53 Where’s Your Focus?
29:59 The Gratitude Challenge
33:49 Count Your Blessings
Resources:
Books
Tweets:
Join the Gratitude Challenge! Tune in as @SfbaldwinOwens and Sean Douglas, founder of The Success Corps, talk about maintaining positivity by shifting your mindset and your focus.
#getwhatyouwant #positivity #focus #growthmindset #positiveenergy #countyourblessings #gratitudechallenge
Quotes:
04:14 “How you do ANYTHING, is how you do EVERYTHING in life.” -Sean Douglas
05:42 “In each and every moment, we are defined by how we react at THAT moment.” -Sean Douglas
27:33 “Where focus goes, your energy will flow.” -Sean Douglas
33:56 “Living in regret is a terrible place to live.”
35:09 “When you ‘should’ all over things, you're counting other people's blessings; you're counting things that aren't even yours. Count your blessings. Because when you're counting other people's blessings, you're missing your own blessings in your own life.” -Sean Douglas
36:18 “If you want to count negatives, you're gonna get more negatives. If you want to count positives, you're gonna get a lot of positives. The negatives will always be there, count the positives.” -Sean Douglas
Connect With Sean:
Sean Douglas is a US Air Force Veteran, TEDx Speaker, Master Resilience Implementer, and Suicide Awareness Trainer. He's also a Business Positioning Strategist, International Radio Show Host of, Life Transformation Radio, and author. He's a suicide survivor who hit rock bottom. Sean believes that you were created for a purpose and once you unlock your true potential, you will elevate your life which is why he founded, The Success Corps. Sean works with entrepreneurs, speakers, and business owners to improve their positioning in the market which increases profitability while decreasing their anxiety and stress so their business thrives.
Watch it Live!
Transcriptions
Shirley Owens: My guest today is Sean Douglas. Sean is a U.S. Air Force Veteran TEDx speaker, Master Resilience Implementer & Suicide Awareness Trainer. He's a Business Positioning Strategist, International Radio Show Host of Life Transformation Radio and author. He's a suicide survivor who hit rock bottom. He believes that "you were created for a purpose, and once you unlock your true potential, you will elevate your life," which is why he founded The Success Corps. Sean works with entrepreneurs, speakers and business owners to improve their positioning in the market, which increases profitability while decreasing their anxiety and stress so their business thrives.
Welcome Sean.
Sean Douglas: Thanks for having me.
Shirley Owens: That bio, I feel like just doesn't really even cover it, as far as how I know you. I met you a couple of years ago at New Media Summit, your icon of influence. And the thing that I remember the most about you was just that you were just so focused at killing it, and everything. You had your family there, you're killing it with that. You made us feel so welcome as attendees that were there for the first time. And I remember at the end, there being like this little round table thing, we sat around and you said we had three minutes, each person had three minutes to talk and you were like, I can give you the entire podcast marketing expert advice in three minutes. And I remember pushing a record on my recorder and you were just like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. I couldn't even keep up with it. But it was just, I've gone along this long course of getting my podcasts up and going. I remember using, like having to pause, and having to pause because there was just so much information in those three minutes. I feel like that's just kinda how you live life from my point of view. And so your TEDx talk was awesome. And I think our focus today, really, I would love for you to just go into why you're doing what you do and what has got you to this mindset, because I think mindset is so important. I mean, it's obviously everything.
Sean Douglas: Oh, yeah. My deep WHY for what I do is I was always taught that you need to leave things better than you found them. So when you walk into a room, you want to leave the room better than you found it. When you are working with somebody, you want to leave them better than you found them, whether it be a house that you live in, a car, whatever the item is, whatever the person is, whatever the place is, you always want to leave it better than you found it. And that's how you make your mark.
Shirley Owens: You made your mark on me that way.
Sean Douglas: Yeah. I mean, you leave, of course, everything depends. But I'm the one that sees a piece of trash. You just pick it up, throw it away. I mean, it's there, I'm not going to walk over it. We'll just step over it and keep on going. When you walk into a bathroom at a restaurant, there's a good paper towel on the floor, it's like hygiene, do I want to pick it up? Do what I want to pick it up? I don't know. But if there's like water on the sink, I'll grab a couple of paper towels and wipe off some water off the sink, and kind of clean up a little bit, throw it away and walk out. It's just the personal standards. I can tell a lot by somebody, but if they put their cart away in the cart return at Walmart, I could tell exactly the type of person you are. It says a lot about somebody. It says a lot about their characters, it says a lot about their integrity, says a lot about their core values and it says a lot about their work ethic. If you're not willing to put the cart back at Walmart, I believe that you're willing to cut corners in life.
Shirley Owens: Yeah.
Sean Douglas: So how you do anything is how you do everything in life. If you're willing to cut corners in your relationship, what else are you willing to cut corners in?
“How you do ANYTHING, is how you do EVERYTHING in life.” -Sean Douglas
Shirley Owens: Right. If you're not trustworthy in some aspect, then are you trustworthy in any aspect. It's hard to figure that out.
Sean Douglas: A 100% right? And the way that today is going, we see it play out in every aspect. The way we treat people, the way that we think, feel, and believe, how we do anything is how we do everything. And some people are like, well, no. I mean, I don't really care about that other stuff. But when I really care about something, Oh, man, I'm 100% in. Well, what happens when you're with somebody in a relationship and you don't care about them anymore, they do not give 100% anymore.
Shirley Owens: Or at that moment, right.
Sean Douglas: Or at that moment, yup. When you need to give 100% and you're like, I just don't feel like it, and then he just cut the corners, and then that has a ripple effect. So just give 100% in everything you're doing, in everything you do, how you do anything is how you do everything.
Shirley Owens: I love that. I really do try to live by that too. And how we treat people when it's convenient to us is one thing, but how we can treat people when it's inconvenient to us to be kind, that's another thing.
Sean Douglas: It says a lot about your character. In each and every moment, we are defined by how we react in that moment. And from moment to moment, we are using our thoughts, feelings, belief, and using our better judgment to act accordingly.
“In each and every moment, we are defined by how we react at THAT moment.” -Sean Douglas
Shirley Owens: Yeah. So have you always been like this? Or I know you have a background, and I don't know how deep you want to go into it, but I think that it's super important for people to know that even when they're like the lowest of their lows, that they can get to this place. So tell me as much as you want to tell me, tell us where this came from.
Sean Douglas: Well, before, it was all about me. I joined the military right after 9/11. I was working at Discount Tire in Fort here in Michigan as a warehouse manager. And it was always about me. It's like, what can I do? I always wanted to help out, but I needed it to benefit me in some way. I wasn't just the survey rate of the top guy. I would only volunteer if it's somehow benefited, something that I could get from it. I would never do anything that was selfless. I always had that whiff of mentality, what's in it for me? I always had that. Every relationship I'm like, what can I get out of this relationship? Every job, what could I get out of this job? Yes, a paycheck. But what else could I get out of this job? People who I was friends with, what can they do for me? What can I do for them? What can they do for me? Scratch your back, scratch my back, whatever. So I always looked in terms of, I dunno, like a business, I guess. To me, everything was a transaction. Everything was a transaction, even in sales. Because as a warehouse manager, I'm loading trucks, and invoices, and just doing a bunch of stuff. So if somebody was to sell me something and I said, no, I felt like I sold them on the reasons why I didn't want it. And they bought that because they were like, okay, he doesn't want it so you go away. If I bought something, it was because I was sold on the reasons why I needed that one thing that I bought. And so we tell ourselves stories, we emotionally eat, we emotionally buy, we literally will get angry and do things.
Shirley Owens: Right.
Sean Douglas: And then we sell as the rules. It's their fault, and they did this to me, and it wasn't my fault. I didn't want to hurt, but they hurt me. So I would have hurt them back because I don't want to feel this pain. I'm going to deflect it to them. And we make these emotional decisions, it's irrational, uncharacteristic reactions. But I always justified them. I always had a justification. I never had a, I don't know what to do. No, there wasn't. No, I knew exactly why I did what I did. So I burnt a lot of people's bridges, a friendship for me, a lot of relationships that I was in, it didn't last very long because I would only go as far as they were willing to go. And man, I don't know why I did that. I was protective, I guess. I mean, I was abused as a kid, so maybe I just didn't want to emotionally commit to something, or give too much and then not receive what I thought was, it's like a bad marriage. You're always giving 100%. You're always giving 100%. You're cleaning, cooking, working, paying all the bills, you can do everything. And then your spouse just sits there and does nothing. Like it's draining, it's emotionally draining. Well, when you have a spouse that's working, and they're contributing, or they're going to school, or they're helping with the kids, or maybe you guys don't have kids. Maybe it's like, look, we're splitting the bills 50/50, and we're going to do everything together, like you're in a partnership. It's not as emotionally draining and you can rely on each other. And I guess I didn't have that growing up. I didn't have a person to rely on really. I mean, my mom worked three jobs, but every relationship, friendship, female that I was with was, what's in it for me? What can I get from her, or him? Whoever my boss, whatever. It wasn't until 2008 where I had, well, 2007 really, where I had a humbling experience where I was, I had my first company, it was an entertainment company, had a ton of money, had fast cars, nice house, couple of roommates, we threw parties like every day, every weekend. And then on St. Patrick's day, 2007, my house burned down.
Shirley Owens: Wow.
Sean Douglas: My buddy's boat got burned to the ground. The house collapsed. I mean, everything was, the whole upstairs is completely burned, except for the part of my room, which was on the back of the house. The whole front of the house was gone. It was a humbling moment when you sit there and USAA gives you a thousand dollars, it says, 'good luck.' I'm sleeping in a hotel, pretty much. I'm sleeping in a hotel because I have nowhere to go. All of my friends left, they don't want anything to do with me. This was like the lowest moment, I slept in my car for two days, I didn't have anywhere to go. I didn't plan it far ahead. So I tried to call people and they were like, yeah, get out of here. Like, nah, because I burnt all those bridges, I treated them badly. So it was a humbling moment. And then yeah, in 2008, I tried to take my life because it just got way worse, and I was abusing alcohol. And it wasn't until 2009 where I got the therapy and got the help that I needed. And my mom gave me a book by Norman Vincent Peale called The Power of Positive Thinking. So I started thinking positive and I started thinking the other way. I started going the opposite way and I was more helpful, and more cheerful, and more grateful. I became a drill instructor for basic training, and I learned how to speak, I learned how to tell my story, I learned how to be a teacher, a trainer, a mentor, a coach. And then everything that I do now spiraled out of the 2009 to 2013 when I was a drill instructor, teaching, coaching, speaking training. I mean, everything about that just lit my soul on fire, and I've been doing it ever since.
Shirley Owens: I love it. I remember you talking about what's behind your leadership now. Who do you feel that you need to be? I know that you want to leave those people better than you found them. But tell me a little bit more about what's behind that too.
Sean Douglas: You know, it's ever changing from, like I said, from moment to moment. I find the good in every moment, and I think that's what, when you walk into a room and you're like, what's good about this? What's great about this? And you find the great, and then you stick to that. Every situation I go into, I have the reverse mentality of the whiff in it, and how much value can I give? How much value can I get? And I live by example, how much value can I give? Can I leave it better than I found it? And the value that I give can outweigh any value that I will receive because I never want to be upside down. You know what I mean? I never want to have a negative balance, I always want to come out positive. I gave more, which sounds like it's negative, but it's not. I look at it as if I had a gratitude bank, and I gave as much as I could. I'm positive because that gratitude is just going to come back to me. So the more I give, the more I receive. And I have a board of directors that I go by for spirituality, for finances, for health, personal relationships, professional development. I have a personal board of directors for my life, and I can take what they teach me and then put it out into the world as my own spin and just live that type of life.
Shirley Owens: So literally, you're living exactly opposite than you were when this whole situation took place, right?
Sean Douglas: Absolutely.
Shirley Owens: I have a few friends that went into the military, and a few of them went in there because they literally had no other place to go. Like it was there, it was kind of their rock bottom, that's all I know. I'm not speaking for everyone, but I'm thinking from those few people that I know that like, really just, that was like, well, I don't have it. No one's going to take me in, or I just came out of rehab, or I just did this or that, and this is my only place to go. It's just going to become home. How do you, being a drill Sergeant, because we also have this idea of what that looks like. Like destroying someone to their core so that you can build them up. And I'm just telling you what I see, like the movies, and the media, and all of that. So kind of what our worldview is? The story that we've been told. So you get a group of guys and some of them are coming from this place of, I have nothing, your, it. Like here I am, I've got to learn from you. I'm also probably, little selfish, a little stubborn to get to that place where they are right there.
Sean Douglas: Of course.
Shirley Owens: So what is it that you do when they walk in your door? Like it's your first day with these guys, where do you start? Because you've gotta be a leader, you've got to take over that. So where does that come from?
Sean Douglas: I had a guy one time come basic training with a black trash bag, and I found out that he was living under the highway bridge on the highway. He was living under the bridge because he got kicked out of his house. He graduated high school and then did nothing with his life, and he was trying to figure it out. But his family was like, drink tea and get the hell out. So this guy's like 20 years old, 21, he had jobs here and there, but he's battling drug abuse, battling alcohol abuse. Luckily he doesn't have one, but a couple maybe misdemeanors of somebody that doesn't have a felony, because if you're a felony, you can't join the military. And he comes in and he's just like: "Dude, this is it for me. If this doesn't work, I'm done. There's nothing else I can do. I've tried it all." I just remember what that feels like though because I was at that moment where I'm like, you can't get any lower than sleeping in your car unless you're six feet underground.If you're living on the street, or you're living in your car, you just cannot get any lower.
Shirley Owens: I've been there. I'm in this with you right now. So let's listen.
Sean Douglas: You know what I mean? When my house burned down, the animal control even came and took my dogs. I even lost my dogs, and then I only got one back because they said: "Because it was a Pitbull. Oh, it was very vicious, and it tried to bite somebody." So he put it down and then I had to pay for that, which was kind of another blow. But it's tough seeing the other side of it because you're supposed to be the strong leader and you're supposed to let them know, like this is the military and where the business of killing people, all that. So they get off the bus, it shocks them. Get over there on the concrete, get off the bus, screaming, screaming, get off the bus, get off the bus, you know? And so the first thing you do is you line them up, you let them know you're going to get crushed here in the military, you are going to get crushed. So all this selfishness, although with a mentality, all the entitlement mentality, it stops here. And I literally briefed them, like, you're not entitled to anything. Your entitlement, left at the front gate. Your rights, left at the front gate. I own you now. You are mine. I own you. It is my job to tear you apart, rip you apart, break you down and build you back up in the military image. And if I cannot do that, you will not be here. If you fight me at any moment, you'll be crushed and you will be put down. You will not be here. I'll make sure that you leave in pieces. And I would have just let them know in the most vulgar way possible without swearing, I will annihilate your soul. You will not have a soul left when I'm done with you. So for the first two weeks, it was just, shock it off, screaming, yelling, shock it off all the time. Because at about two weeks, they're starting to get used to, okay, he's yelling at me again. So now, I've got to change it up. Plus, you've already pretty much beat the snot out of them anyways, and they're not entitled, they're getting your routine, because it takes about two weeks to really start to get into the groove of things. And so they're really starting to get comfortable and you don't want to get them complacent, so then you change it up. Now, you're very strict. So before you're just screaming, screaming, screaming, and just, Oh, my God, you messed this up. And you're not even telling them why, you're just stressing them out. That's all you're doing is just stressing them up, and you're like, you suck, I can't believe you're here. You suck, you need to pack. You need to go home. This is not for you. You suck. And you're just like breaking them down and just killing every moment of self esteem that they have.
Shirley Owens: Wow.
Sean Douglas: So about the third week, your job is to now start to peel back the onion, get them vulnerable and then build them back up. So that third week you're like, listen, here's what I need. I need this and this, and one, two, three, boom, make it happen. Or this is not going to end well for you. Make sure that these three things happen or you're going to get smoked. Be like, yes, sir. I'm like, out and then go. And then you trust that what you've taught them in the past two weeks, because now you're starting to show a human side of it because all they've seen so far is like yell, yell, yell, scream, scream. Oh, my God, I hate this place. He's super scary. So the third week and the fourth week is really about showing a little human side and talking to them like, look, this is what you need to do. I know you can do this, just get done. I know you can do it. Oh, sir, but, just do it. I know you can do this, just go do it. So you're starting to power them a little bit. The fifth and the sixth week is all about, they should be self sufficient. They should literally have a couple of questions. You're giving them directions, you're applauding them, you're telling them how good they are. And then sometimes, you gotta get a little shock at all that. And I'm like, maybe he's soft. Maybe he's right. But sometimes you gotta fly off the handle, even the little things. If you see a lot of certain complacency, something happened, now you just reel him back in and you just destroy them, put them on their face and just annihilate their souls.
And then the seventh and eighth week is literally like, you're one of me now. You've made it. You're one of me, you're about to become trainee to airmen, or private to whatever, whatever the right's going to be. And you've made it, like, this is the moment. And some people don't, out of all of the flights that I put, I had like 10 flights that led to basic training, about 50, 60 people each. I had maybe one flight where I didn't get rid of people, recycle them to the next flight over, watched them back a week, just destroy them to the point where, I mean, I never hurt one. Like, Oh, my God, training. Oh, my God, like go to the hospital because you have like a broken leg. There were times where I was like, you know what? You're just not cutting it. You can't do this, this isn't for you. And so you need to go back a week. And so I watched them back a week, or I recycled them to a different flight, or it's not that I can't train them, it's just this isn't for you. The way that I run, and some instructors are different. Some instructors are like, Oh, no, I'm not going to cycle them. I'm going to train them and I'm gonna make it happen. But to what detriment of your flight? And we do the same thing in relationships, people try to change people all the time and they stick into these bad relationships trying to change it. I don't know if I can change them. I know I can change them. No, you can't just, sometimes you can't,
Shirley Owens: You can influence them if you want to change themselves, right? But trying to force change on anyone? That's what got me here. So it got me learning, I was trying to force change on people and realizing that the only person I could change was myself, but I could really become a person who, the way I was being influenced and created to change in others.
Sean Douglas: Yeah. And that's how it happens. Sometimes it's by force, and then sometimes it's by choice.
Shirley Owens: Yeah.
Sean Douglas: So either way, there's a growth moment there. And what I've learned over the years is that you definitely have to be growth minded 100%. You cannot be fixed minded anymore. In today's atmosphere of information at our fingertips, you just cannot do this.
Shirley Owens: Right.
Sean Douglas: You have to be very, very grown and open-minded.
Shirley Owens: I agree. And I think that there's just like a switch though, right? It's almost like something has to happen to create a switch in that because when you switch and go the other way, then the positivity and the, growing up, I had a lot of rough, you know, I lived on the streets for a while and that type of thing. And I remember during that time, I was a positive person, even though I was there. And I look back now and I'm like, how did I even do that? How did I get through that? When you're going through it, you're just going through it. And it's just survival. And I think that there was a time where I just felt like the victim, like, what else is there going to be? And what else is going to happen to me? And you can always look, and find blame, and fault in everybody else. But when do you get to be the creator? When do we help ourselves up off the floor? And we're the ones who are creating our life. And I think that that's there somewhere. There's a shift in there. If you were to be explaining this to one of your guys, where did that shift come in? Does it come in at the end of the two weeks when they're broken and down? Does it come when they start to feel empowered because they have a win? At what part of that transition does that shift take place in your opinion?
Sean Douglas: Yeah, it happens as you start getting small wins. You're like, maybe I can do this. And maybe when you start believing in yourself that it's possible for you. Some people go into a situation knowing that it's not possible for them. It's never going to happen. Well, why would I start a podcast? I'm just gonna listen anyways. Why would I start a business? There's no way I can become a million dollar entrepreneur. A million dollars? No way, we grew up poor. I don't even know what a million dollars looks like. I don't even know what $10,000 looks like. How could I be a million dollar entrepreneur? It's never going to happen for me. I'm going to live a mediocre life. This is it.
Shirley Owens: Yeah. And so this makes me think about your Ted talk, and how the polar bears, and explain focus, because I think that that's so important, please explain that. And you can do it with that or with whatever, but that's what we're talking about here. I can talk about how I can't do something over, and over, and over, and guess what? I'm going to be right. Either I can, or I can't, or either way, I'm right.
Sean Douglas: Yeah. So a lot of people think that, like psychology. Like, Oh, man, you gotta have a PhD.
Shirley Owens: Yes.
Sean Douglas: It's about the mind. It's how the mind works. And it's this, this, this, this, this, but it's so in depth, I mean, there's multi-multi-facets of psychology. The psychology of sales, the psychology of the spoken word, the psychology of business. I mean, there's a ton, right? So with the polar bears, and this is actual fact-based positive psychology research, this is positive psychology. And what it says is, and they tried this with brown bears, they tried it with leprechauns, they tried it with cars, they tried it with houses, they tried it with everything. But for some reason, polar bears seem to work. So what you do is you have a picture of a polar bear,I used the polar bear mom and the Cub, because everybody goes, Oh, like clockwork. That's what I want. I want them to be drawn to this. And I say, I want you to look at this picture and really stare at it. Look at the picture, look at the position that the baby's in, look at the position how the mom holds that baby. And I'm going to quiz you, look at this, and I'm pointing out these different features and say: "Close your eyes. Now, what I want you to do is not think about that polar bear, don't think about the polar bear. Whatever you do, don't think about it. Don't think about the black baby eyes, don't think about the black nose, don't think about how the mom was holding the baby. Don't think about how the baby was holding the mom's leg. Don't think about how the white polar bear and the baby polar bear. And don't think about Santa Claus. Coca-Cola bears, don't think about that. Nothing about polar bears." And I do this over, and over, and over again for about a minute. Like, don't think about the polar bear, whatever you do, don't think about polar bears. Think about anything else but not polar bears. Do not picture in your mind polar bears, nothing but polar bears. And I just keep doing that. And the whole thing is you focus on what you don't want.
Shirley Owens: Right.
Sean Douglas: That's what everybody does. If you listen to yourself, sometimes you're like, man, I really hope that I achieve this. Or man, I really hope that this doesn't happen. And it's two ways of thinking about it, you can either search for the positive or search for the negative. And most people go, man, I hope there's no traffic. Oh, man, if there's traffic, I'm going to be so upset. And guess what? Traffic. Because you sought that out. If you said, I really hope that I get home safe. And I really hope that I have a great drive. And then maybe you have a good drive, or maybe there's traffic. But when you're searching for good things, you find the good thing. So we're focus goes, your energy will flow. And so the world's energy flows towards your thoughts, your feelings, your beliefs, and it could be, if you think the world's negative, and the world is so corrupt? Then, it is. If you think the world is so beautiful and we have many, many amazing places for you to go to go see, parks, and camping, and lakes, and snowboarding. And if you think that the world, people that come into your life are so beautiful and so amazing, then they are. Words have power. And what that exercise shows, is that what you focus on will expand. And if you look, there's the picture of the polar bear in my TEDx talk.
Shirley Owens: Yeah.
Sean Douglas: There's a picture of the polar bear. And you look at that and you think they're just polar bears, but it's not. You close your eyes, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it. We do this all the time. Somebody wrongs us? Oh, my gosh. I'm not even gonna think about them. I'm not wasting another time on that person. I can't believe that they did this to me. And then what do you do? You consistently focus on being like, I'm going to look at their social media. I can't believe they did this to me. You know what? Screw them. I'm never gonna talk to them ever again. And then you're checking their Facebook, and you're checking their house, and you'd drive by their place, or you look at their friends, look at the friends who're hanging out with them. I want to see who's hanging out with them. Why would they hang out with them? There's such a bad person.
Shirley Owens: So funny. I have a part of my book that I talked about as it pertains to relationships, and we find evidence in whatever we're searching for. So if we want to think that our husbands are annoying, or our wife's annoying, we could find a million little things that they do all day long that annoys. But if we think that they're the most amazing things in the world, everything they do, even the things that would be annoying normally would be cute, and funny, or attractive. So it really is true. Whatever we search for, we can find evidence in.
Sean Douglas: That's called cognitive bias.
Shirley Owens: Yeah. So everyone listening today, they want to know how do I change my mind, my mental mindset on how to become positive, give us one thing of advice that people can start today to start transforming this.
Sean Douglas: Count three blessings a day, every single day, count three blessings a day. You can put it on social media. You can say blessing number one in the morning, blessing number two in the afternoon, blessing number three in the evening or a night, or you can just do all three at night. I do gratitude challenges all the time. And what happens is you do a 66 day gratitude challenge, 66 day gratitude challenge. And it's amazing what people do. They got pictures, they're creating in collages and videos. And it's just amazing to see them create this gratitude that they didn't know before. And they started off with, I'm thankful for my house, and I'm thankful for my spouses, or I'm thankful for my kids, I'm thankful for the food and all this like petty stuff.
Shirley Owens: Right.
Sean Douglas: By day 20, day 30, they're like, I had a great day at work because Bob brought us coffee and donuts, and I just really enjoyed it because I didn't get to eat breakfast this morning.I was running late and I didn't get that breakfast, and just that little bit. And so the thing about those, I dunno, the bougie stuff right in the beginning, like, Oh, my God, like, I couldn't do anything without my phone. Halfway through, they're starting to figure out it's those moments, it's those little things, you know? And says, thank you. That meant the world to me, wow. Or your child who could not draw at all, because at three years old, scribbles on a paper and you think it's the most beautiful thing ever.
Shirley Owens: Yes.
Sean Douglas: It's not that you care about the drawing, it's the fact that you care about that relationship.
Shirley Owens: And don't you feel like, so I do this too, and I usually have them start with writing it in the morning. Because when you're sleeping, there's not much to be grateful for, and so it usually comes from the day before. So when you get into this momentum, you're starting to look every day at what you're going to write the next day. And therefore, you're searching for evidence of positivity and things to be grateful for, and that's right. You kind of run out of the same things. I'll tell my clients, you can't write the same thing every day, you have to think of three. I always do 10, but three is such a good number too. I'm like, you have to think of new things every single day. So in their mind, they're like, Oh, shoot, I'm gonna have to write that down tomorrow. I'm gonna have to chronicle it, so I should start looking for positive things. And then all of a sudden I hear, Oh, my gosh. Since I started looking for it, there's so many positive things that have become. My life's done way more positively. And they think it's like a coincidence or I'm like, no, all those things were there already. You're just searching for them, now, you're looking for that.
Sean Douglas: Nailed it. Again, where focus goes, energy flows. You ever see somebody, they're like, Oh, my God, I can't wait to get this car, and I love this new car, it's going to be amazing, and then they see it everywhere. They're like, I see this car everywhere. Because you didn't notice it before, because you weren't focused on that before. Now, you're focused on it.
“Where focus goes, your energy will flow.” -Sean Douglas
Shirley Owens: Yeah. My sister, she was, I can't even remember what car she was looking at, but she's like, well, I was looking at this car. And then all of a sudden I saw that everyone had one, so I didn't get one. I'm like, everyone didn't go out that day, you're noticing it.
Sean Douglas: Trust me, been there.
Shirley Owens: People almost had that car before this happened. So that's a great takeaway. Tell me this again, where you focus?
Sean Douglas: Where focus goes, energy flows.
Shirley Owens: Okay. "Where focus goes, energy flows." I love, love, love that. Okay, so I asked this question for all of my guests and that is, is there anything that you specifically would go back and do over, or that you regret in your life?
“Living in regret is a terrible place to live.”
Sean Douglas: No. Never, never, never, never. The only reason why is because, first of all, living in regret is a terrible place to live. Most people, what they do is they plant their mailbox, and they plant their address, and they put a stake in the ground and they say, this is where I'm living. I'm living in regret, I'm living in unhappiness, I'm living in negativity. This is my life, I can never get any better. I've hit my pinnacle, I've hit my peak, this is all I got. This is what God gave me. And now my life sucks and it's never going to change. And they plant their mailbox at this moment and they live there. I never want to do that, I never want to have a moment of regret. Am I not happy about some of my actions and some of the moments? Absolutely. Have those moments defined to me? Absolutely. So it's hard for me to say, Oh, man, I wish this didn't happen. I wish this didn't happen because those are life defining moments. I could never go back in time and just change something. I couldn't go back to, well, maybe there was this old girlfriend. Or wow, maybe there's this friend that I wronged. Or maybe that house that I was living in, maybe it shouldn't have burned down. Or maybe I shouldn't have taken that job. Or maybe I shouldn't have joined the military. Maybe I should like, there's a lot of shoulds, you know? And when you SHOULD all over everything, people are like, you should do this and I should do this. He's like, when you SHOULD all over things, you just live a life of regret and you live in a life of wonder instead of experiencing everything that your life has to offer, you're counting other people's blessings. Oh, I should have done that. Oh, I should've done that. You're counting other people's blessings. You're counting things that aren't even yours. Count your blessings, because when you're counting other people's blessings, you're missing your own blessings in your own life. Nobody has the blessings that you have. You can be grateful for your kids. So [inaudible] of other people, but your kids don't act like their kids. Your kids act like your kids. Your life is your life. So it's a once in a lifetime, it is. It's a once in a lifetime. Your house, your life, it's a once in a lifetime. So if you say, well, my kid's not as smart as another kid, but they are in some ways, there are in another way. They might be great bicycle riders, but they can't roller skate. Okay, they might be really good at math, but can't read. Capitalize on their strengths, find the good. We always want to focus on the negative and it doesn't get us anywhere. If you want to count negatives, you're going to get more negatives. If you wanna count positives, you're going to get a lot of positives. So the negatives will always be there. Count the positives.
“When you ‘should’ all over things, you're counting other people's blessings; you're counting things that aren't even yours. Count your blessings. Because when you're counting other people's blessings, you're missing your own blessings in your own life.” -Sean Douglas
Shirley Owens: I love it. I love that answer so much. I feel like you're just living inside my head. I want to be, or try to be, or am, that's it. And I think this has been the best one of my most favorite episodes. So thank you so much for doing this and for being a guest. So every time I spend time with you, you thoroughly impact me. And I'm sure that people are going to be impacted by this, so let them know where they can find you.
Sean Douglas: Yeah, absolutely. You can go to my website at, The Success Corps, it's right up above me. thesuccesscorps.com, and you can check out all the videos, the TEDx talk, I've got speaker guides there if you want to become a speaker, I've got podcasts, marketing guides, I've got all kinds of tips and knowledge, and all kinds of stuff there for you. And I'm on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, ticktack, come check me out. I just want to have conversations with you and see what positive things we can build together.
Shirley Owens: And I promise you, he shows up like this all the time.
Sean Douglas: All the time.
“If you want to count negatives, you're gonna get more negatives. If you want to count positives, you're gonna get a lot of positives. The negatives will always be there, count the positives.” -Sean Douglas
Shirley Owens: This is what you get every time you interact with them. So thank you so much, Sean, you are the best. And I'm so grateful that you were here with me today.
Sean Douglas: Pump that we got to do this show. This is so awesome.
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