"Be brave and courageous in assuming and accepting responsibilities… You are the common denominator. Go within, it’s much more empowering”-JJ Flizanes
Shirley and JJ go deep into self acceptance and inner peace. JJ vividly reminds us that the word ‘fitness’ is not just about the state of one’s physical body, but also the factors which determine a person’s overall well being. And, for JJ, the key components in all these areas are ‘invisible’ — balanced support structures of nutrition, emotional centeredness and health. This show is packed with so many pertinent takeaways!
Highlights:
02:07 Opening The Large Tool Box of Amazing Things
06:47 Food as a Numbing Tool
09:45 Key Factors in Weight Loss
12:58 How to Lose Weight
20:15 Spirit, Purpose and Energy
26:16 How To Create Something More Positive In Our Life
34:05 Regret from the past
37:27 Be the Creator of Your Own Reality
Resources:
Book
Podcast
Tweets:
Love thy self. Join @SfbaldwinOwens and @jjflizanes as they talk about the invisible formulas for overall well-being. #weightloss #self-love #self-loathing #emotions #control #trust
Quotes:
“It’s really not about what you eat; it’s about why you eat. We are never going to get to the root cause and the result you want when it comes to weight loss if you’re not looking at that.” -JJ Flizanes
“Someone needs to make peace with who they are or where they are first before they start with any journey.” -JJ Flizanes
“We’re going to sabotage ourselves if we put limitations on ourselves or rules that intuitively we know aren’t necessary.” -JJ Flizanes
“Our emotions are our navigations. They let us know when we are aligned or how far away we are from being aligned.” -JJ Flizanes
“Whatever you believe, you will find great ways to prove to yourself.” -JJ Flizanes
“I believe that we all come into this lifetime and we have a path and we have things we need to learn and you can’t learn something unless there’s something bad happens to you.” -JJ Flizanes
“Our journey is our journey...I think sometimes people dwell so much on mistakes or things that they didn’t do and that really keeps them from going forward and tuning in and manifesting beautiful things because it locks them up somewhere.” -Shirley Owens
“Be brave and courageous in assuming and accepting responsibilities… You are the common denominator. Go within, it’s much more empowering” -JJ Flizanes
Connect With JJ:
JJ Flizanes is an Empowerment Strategist and Host of The Fit 2 Love Podcast Show. She is the Director of Invisible Fitness, an Amazon best-selling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core, and was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles by Elite Traveler Magazine. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight & End Body Shame debted at #2 on Amazon’s Best Seller List and New Hot Release for Women’s Health. A video expert for About.com and regular contributor for The Daily Love, JJ has been featured in many national magazines such as Shape, Fitness, Muscle and Fitness HERS, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11 and KTLA. For her clients & followers, JJ designs customized coaching programs and unique, versatile approaches that harmonize the emotional, the mental and the spiritual. Click the PDF icon below to download JJ Flizanes’ Press Packet.
Transcriptions
Shirley Owens: My guest today is JJ Flizanes. She is an Empowerment Strategist and the host of several podcast shows including Fit 2 Love, and Spirit, Purpose & Energy. She is the director of Invisible Fitness and Amazon bestselling author of Fit 2 Love: How to Get Physically, Emotionally and Spiritually Fit to Attract the Love of Your Life, and author of Knack Absolute Abs: Routines for a Fit and Firm Core. JJ was named Best Personal Trainer in Los Angeles for 2007 by Elite Traveler Magazine. She has been featured in many national magazines including Shape, Fitness, Elegant Bride, and Women’s Health as well as appeared on NBC, CBS, Fox 11, CW and KTLA. Her newest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame debuted at number two on the Amazon bestseller list for Women's Health. You can get your free copy of that at jjflizanes.com/book. Welcome JJ, that's a lot.
JJ Flizanes: Thanks Shirley. Thanks for having me.
Shirley Owens: Of course, I've personally got the pleasure of getting to know you a little bit at New Media Summit and I really enjoyed you, so I'm super excited to have this chat with you today.
JJ Flizanes: Well thank you. It was a pleasure to meet you as well and I'm looking forward to having this conversation.
Shirley Owens: Awesome. So, I'd love for you to just start off by telling me a little bit of your story, where you started, and how you became this amazing woman that you are.
JJ Flizanes: Okay. Let me condense that story down a lot. Let's just say I started out in the entertainment industry, I'm sure part of it was on an emotional side. I did enjoy performing, I've been dancing and singing on stage since I was three, so I'm comfortable in front of the room, and I've always sort of activated that right side of my brain. But going through school, I also recognize something else was sort of missing while I was good in school and got good grades, I didn't feel smart, and I'm sure that was an insecurity that I had for a while. And so, I had gone off to college to study musical theater, was an actor and actress, dancer, singer. And as I was looking to transition out of school into the workforce, I didn't want to be that typical actress that just waited tables, no disrespect for waiting tables, or bartending, or hostessing, I've done all of them. But I wanted to use my brain and I was working retail, hated it, my manager and I went and got a job at the gym to get a free membership, of course. And then we, I was just really good with the phones and dealing with multiple stimuli at one time. And then I saw the trainers and I thought, well I want to do that. And so, I was given a test to take and things to study, and then that just sort of opened up the left brain part of me to realize that I actually was smart and could learn science, and that I was good at it. Fast forward, I became director of education for a major gym chain on the East Coast, and I was teaching trainers basically science and how to be trainers at age 25. And then I, well 20, actually 23. Then I moved to California a couple of years later and started my own business, worked, still work some of those other odd jobs before the business got going. And when it comes to the training piece, I again, now that I sort of had this right and left brain combo going for me, I learned the sciences. But then I'll always ask more questions like, what's this really about? And when we use these different kinds of sciences, anatomy, physiology, biochemistry, biomechanics, physics, kinesiology, when we get to the end of that, those things aren't working, and they are not eliminating someone's pain, or they're not getting them over the hump of their next obstacle. What else can we learn? So that's when I dove more into endocrinology and into the sciences that you can't see in neurotransmitters, the biochemistry piece, and then the spiritual piece, the behavioral sciences piece, I've always done astrology. And so, I've now been incorporated, like I've always done it personally with my clients, but I've never talked about it.
And then all of a sudden after my one show became six shows, I decided, you know what? I'm going to let the cat out of the bag. I'm going to let everyone know I do astrology, and I do it with my clients. So I've just been able to set a path where every quote unquote challenge is really an opportunity to grow. And I love to learn, so I have a really big toolbox, full of amazing, wonderful things and I continue to learn and put things in. And so, I'm really good resource for not only other people but for looking at things in a connect the dots kind of way, how everything works together. How, when you only look at one part, how you miss a lot when people look at weight loss, but they're not looking at the emotional piece, or when you're looking at other physical things, or when you're looking at relationships and you're not looking at your childhood wounds, and when you're not taking responsibility for your belief systems. So it's just sort of all meshed together. And again, I'm sort of that master of the tools, the overseer of how to utilize these different things together and creating a prescription individually for people that really speaks to astrologically, what they understand, what's important to them, to their love language. Like, I got it, all those kinds, all those tools are in the box and I pulled them out and combine them when necessary and use, you know, create individual recipes. So that's really kind of what I do.
Shirley Owens: Wow. So when it comes to personal fitness, everyone has this idea of the physical, right? What we can see. And so what you're saying you do is you, you pull from 25, or I mean, that's just a number, but pull from several different factors because when it's only physical and we're only counting numbers and only looking at the scale, it's not very often successful.
JJ Flizanes: Right. There's the what you eat, but the bigger question is, why you eat? If someone is using food to numb themselves, we all have an addiction, at least one, if not several. Most of us have soft addictions, but most of them, I don't identify them as addictions because they think addictions are just hard addictions, things like drugs and alcohol, things people are more chemically dependent on, which by the way, most of those drugs, not all of them, but some of them, like nicotine is out of your system in 72 hours. So the habits and patterns someone has around cigarettes or chewing tobacco really has to do with an anxiety underneath it, and the fact that they were using the substance to numb it. So when using food as a numbing tool, it's really not about what you eat, it's about why you eat, and we're never going to get to the root cause, you're never going to get the results that you want when it comes to weight loss if you're not looking at that.
“It’s really not about what you eat; it’s about why you eat. We are never going to get to the root cause and the result you want when it comes to weight loss if you’re not looking at that.” -JJ Flizanes
Shirley Owens: Right. Because we can't really get food out of our system, we can't get it out of our bodies because it's something that we also use for healthy purposes, so that makes sense. And now, I'm seeing that in your new book, you go into a lot more about the different ways, right? So is food one of them? Can you tell me a little bit about that?
JJ Flizanes: Yeah, we are actually looking at digestion, not at just food because food, people think of a calories, calories in, calories out. That's really not how the body works. In fact, I've been doing a lot of live on air coaching on my show, like the last, two times I've talked to somebody, one was on emotional eating and the other one was on exercise plateauing, and both of those conversations have to do with menopause. And I realized while I used to talk about it all the time, it's been many years since actually focused on menopause. I'm weird. So at 25, I cared about menopause because I understood the trajectory of where my life was going to go. So I understood how to prepare for it, I'm not in it, but I cared about it. I wanted to know, here's what the body does and here's how you can prevent all the side effects and really thrive, but I'm weird. So of course there are, you know, a new batch of women every year that all of a sudden wake up and go, what happened? Why is this happening to me? And it's the same conversation I've been having for 20 years.
Shirley Owens: I'm there right now, so I'm going to have to get right on that.
JJ Flizanes: Right. So I think, so that's, you know, in terms of, you can't just look at food as in calories in and calories out, that's just not how it works. One of our body's indicators of how well we're digesting and assimilating our food is our digestion. And so really digestion is the indicator of, that our food is supporting us or not, and our body is happy or not, or we are not paying attention to our stressors that cause indigestion even if the food is going well, so I start with digestion. So it's really not, again, what you're eating, although there is a lot about that and they all always recommend someone do an elimination diet to find out what you're sensitive to. Because most of us have at least one food sensitivity that causes inflammation internally. So yeah, it's not as simple as just, you know, like in calories or anything like that.
Shirley Owens: Right. I love that. Let's talk a little bit about getting what you want with your weight loss or with your health, and what do you see as a key factor as far as, you know, focusing on this is what I want and this is how I'm going to get there, and I know that, I know that we talk about these different ways and formulas to get to that place. What about your mind? Like, what needs to happen in your mind to be able to actually put you in a place that you can fall through with the different formulas that you talk about.
JJ Flizanes: Well, we have to start out my sort of second book or first published book if you will, Fit 2 Love. It's really about that energetic relationship to self care. And there are plenty of people who go on diets, or do exercise programs from a place of self-loathing and self hatred. And that would be where, now you're anchoring in a negative response and the body knows better, it knows you that you aren't supposed to hate yourself. And so, when we attach these negative feelings to exercise, you're doing, you know, eating clean and feeling restricted, all of a sudden now nobody wants to do it. And I think that's the first thing to overcome mentally is to recognize whether or not you are doing this from a place of true self love and self care, or doing it from place of not liking yourself and thinking, if I don't lose 20 pounds, no one will love me, or I won't, I won't like myself until I do that. So mentally, emotionally, I think someone needs to make peace with who they are and where they are first before they start any journey. And again, in terms of getting what you want, I think everybody needs more education because if someone, again prior to menopause did some food diet and maybe a little bit of exercise and it worked, and then they try the same thing after menopause and it doesn't work, they're super frustrated and discouraged because it worked the first time, but it didn't work the second time. But it's all very scientifically explained. You just have to learn something new, and you can't make it about, you have to recognize your body changes and needs different things, and one size doesn't fit all is the other comment that I'll make about this, that most people need a really individualized, personalized program for the best success.
“Someone needs to make peace with who they are or where they are first before they start with any journey.” -JJ Flizanes
Shirley Owens: Yeah, I agree. And I do see that I, you know, I guess I haven't really thought of it that way, but it seems that sometimes we get to a point where we want to lose weight and it usually does come from that place, from being tired or fed up, or unwilling to tolerate the weight anymore. And I think that's a place that most people start is the self-loathing. And you know, my show is about relationships, my books about relationships, and I love the idea of creating that relationship with yourself before you can really create relationships with food, or diet, or any of that. So, what would be a step that you would suggest if someone was just coming to you, they can't stand the way they look, they want to lose weight, they don't know where to start, and your first response is, you know, you need to start with you. What would that look like?
JJ Flizanes: So in the book, I do [inaudible] through the 5 Secrets to Release Weight & End Body Shame. And the first three are physical oriented, while, you know, self-love isn't gonna happen overnight if you're used to shaming yourself because you think that's going to motivate you to be good. Of course, it never works, I don't know why people continue thinking it's going to, but it does in the long term. It's like a child being told they can't do something that they really want to do, they rebel. It's just human nature, we want to feel free, we're freedom seekers, we want to feel good. we want to feel free, and we're going to sabotage ourselves if we put limitations on ourselves, or rules that intuitively we know aren't necessary. And so, I would still walk someone through looking at an elimination diet, getting rid of inflammation and inflammatory foods. I would still look at reducing certain aspects of different macronutrients within a diet, and I would do that to give them hope because it's really, people can lose a few pounds of water weight super fast when you remove foods that irritate you, and also those foods normally cause a bit of brain chemistry distraction. They screw up your neuro-transmitters cause poor digestion actually can affect your mood because we don't have the substrates to make serotonin and other things that we need to have good brain chemistry, which is also how we produce a lot of our feelings. So, I would still look at the food first with the idea to give them hope that once we remove some things, it's easier to feel better, to feel more energy, to feel less bloated, and it's not to make food and enemy, but it's to really kind of get them in the mindset. So the first three steps are really physical oriented so that way we can get somebody into the calmest, most balanced, biochemically oriented place and hormonally. And then the fourth step is when I dive more into that emotional relationship because if someone thinks they're an emotional eater, I've had this happen where I had a gentleman, he was obese, he was very, very, very overweight. He had himself in a couple different recovery programs, Overeaters Anonymous, he is on a Weight Watchers, he worked with a nutritionist, he went to some other support group. Anyway, and I was like the last person, and I know the nutritionist, and I said to him: "Did you have her do, or did she have you do a food sensitivity test?" And he said: "No."
“We’re going to sabotage ourselves if we put limitations on ourselves or rules that intuitively we know aren’t necessary.” -JJ Flizanes
Shirley Owens: Oh, wow.
JJ Flizanes: And I said: "All right, go back and ask for that. You need to take a food sensitivity test." And so he did. And of course, one of the foods that, two foods came up, or foods that were considered diet foods, corn and dairy. So he was eating lots of popcorn, lots of yogurt, lots of, you know, shakes that were way based. And the minute he removed those two things, he lost 16 pounds in two weeks.
Shirley Owens: Wow.
JJ Flizanes: And not only did he lose weight quickly, he also lost his cravings. So before, he thought he was an emotional eater, because he had constant cravings, but the cravings were biochemical, they weren't emotional. Now I'm not saying that he probably didn't have certain components of stuffing his feelings down with food, but like in terms of like, was that the real problem? No, it wasn't the initial real problem. And so when you show somebody that the chemistry of the food affects your body emotionally as well as like it creates cravings, and inflammation, and satiety, like not feeling full, like having carbohydrates and then two hours later feeling like you're on empty again, and feeling that crash and burn, that people talk about when you have sugar. So those are real things and when you remove them, you regulate and you feel more balanced and more grounded in your body. So I think that if people really understood that connection a little bit more, then that's the first place that we go.
Shirley Owens: Yeah, that really makes sense. I think that, I mean, that's why diets, all these fad diets don't work on everybody because somebody's, it worked for someone and then they decided they would share it with everyone. But I love what you're talking about, like, it's actually, you're creating small wins that, I think that, you know, release really healthy, happy endorphins that help the people want to get, you know, keep going, right? Like, it's just kind of something that they're building upon. So you really, even though your first three steps are physical, it sounds that there is a mental aspect because once they have hope and they have a win and they continue to seek for more hope and more wins.
JJ Flizanes: That's the way it's set up because it's also what people are willing to do. If everybody was so conscious and evolved enough to start with the emotional piece, that'd be awesome.
Shirley Owens: Right.
JJ Flizanes: But the reality of this is that people want to see that it's working and they, and there is a science to the food, and there's a science to the exercise, and their science to the hormones so, you know, we can go there, and some of those things can make a huge difference for somebody. And it just changing, taking one thing out of someone's diet sometimes can make all the difference, and why wait for that? Just do that now and get into the habit of eating in a way that supports your body and then have results along the way, and then when you get triggered, then we'll look at the habits and patterns that you have, and dealing with that, and a food is one of them, then we can work on the emotional piece. But it's a journey, and I'm a believer in "Give them what they want and what they're willing to do first. Let them have success because most people are going to run for the hills." When you talk about the emotional piece.
Shirley Owens: Yeah, and nobody wants to hear that, okay, we're going to do all this work for like three to six months to get your mind healthy and then you can start losing weight. And it's like, click, I'll go to the next one, I'll go to the next thing.--
JJ Flizanes: Exactly.
Shirley Owens: --It's really quickly. This is huge, JJ, I see this as a very huge breakthrough because everybody is looking to be healthier. Everyone right now, there's some component mental health, physical health that we're not just talking about weight loss here. We're talking about aligning in and filling health everywhere, mental, physical, spiritual. So I really, I love that. I know we've been talking a little bit more towards the weight loss, but let's talk a little bit more about your Spirit, Purpose & Energy Podcasts. I've listened to some of those and I love that aspect of it. You know, we, we really need to have that, we need to be spiritually connected with ourselves in order to even walk into something like this. So can you talk a little bit about that?
JJ Flizanes: Yeah. To payback on what you just said, you know, I have clients that, like at first, I said your back pain is emotional, and they poo-pooed me for a long time, and I kept with it, and I try to meet them where they are, and eight years later, finally there's a breakthrough and then acknowledgement and now, okay, yep, it's emotional. Okay, cool, eight years, eight years. And I don't have the opportunity to work with everybody for that kind of length of time. I'm not done with this person cause I'm still, you know, his trainer. So I work him out on a physical level and now we're finally utilizing the other aspects of what to bring to the table, which can be this psychosomatic as well as psychological, and astrological, and biochemical. So I get to really provide all of my resources to him now, which is super exciting, but you talked about the spirit purpose and energy piece. We are in a society full of people who have anxiety, and people think anxiety is, sort of, like a catch, a cold, like it's just out there, and if your immune system's weak, you kind of get it, and that couldn't be further from the truth. While there are probably are some vitamin deficiencies that again leave our bodies in a more susceptible place to feel anxiety. Anxiety is really a body sensation, letting us know that we are not expressing an emotion or feeling that we're just sort of spinning our wheels. And the root of all of that, the root of another addiction that we have is control. Most people are control freaks, and they don't really get that about themselves, and it all comes down to a lack of trust. And when we look at what is it that we can trust, it's a big reason why most people are religious. When you believe in a higher power, when you acknowledge a higher power, and if you don't, that's okay. And just because someone's a possible atheist doesn't mean that they, I don't know, don't trust science, maybe, I don't know. I mean, I'm not making a general statement, but I'm just painting the picture that there is a connection to feeling alone, feeling like this is my only lifetime, feeling like I have, everything I do is within my control and there is no external influence.
That belief system has a more likely reality to produce anxiety, or fear, or pressure. And if we look at people who are true believers in something higher or different than themselves, that we're all connected on a different level, it doesn't have to be religion. It could be against science, it could be astrology, it could be the universe or synergy. There's all different Buddha, creator, whatever. It doesn't really even matter at the end of the day what you call it. It's the idea that there is an IT, and when you feel like you're being watched over, taken care of, supported, something is there, something is, there's a bigger meaning for all of this. The perspective grows and there's an ability to trust on a deeper level. So again, when I looked at life, and religion, and belief systems, and all that psychology, I believe that people are in search for meaning. They're in search for an answer. And I've spent my entire lifetime looking for the answers that made sense to me. So, I share that on Spirit, Purpose & Energy, I am a nondenominational show. I think that, you know, I tell my whole story, and I really use that to also promote and to teach, and I really shouldn't say promote, but to teach the law of attraction because people think the law of attraction is a religion or belief and actually it's physics. So it's physics and that can be explained scientifically. But again, I really believe people are searching for how to empower themselves from place of trust and connection, and to make sense of this whole life that we're in. And when they have some answers that make sense to them, then you can really deepen, and relax, and sort of sink into feeling grounded that it all has a purpose. And doesn't it feel better to know that you're the creator of your own reality? Doesn't it feel better to think that everything has a reason and that you've created a path and a journey while you incarnated in this lifetime to learn something? I mean, that just feels so much better than someone made a mistake. Oh, you made a mistake. Yeah. And then you feel like, Oh, the guilt, and the punishment, and the, Oh my God, what if, what if I'd never done that? You know, it's just victim mentality is disempowering. And most people who practice some form of victim mentality unconsciously, of course, for most people, give their power away and then have, are more likely to be depressed and stuck in life.
Shirley Owens: For sure. That would just make so much sense. I always like to talk about awareness and it seems like everything that you're saying leads to that, like, when we can learn from someone like you, and have that knowledge, and then kind of carry that awareness of us, we can catch ourselves in situations where we're actually creating a negative day, or we're creating a negative scenario because we can stop ourselves, and Oh, yeah, I'm the creator, like, I have control of this, I can do this, I can create something differently. And I really liked that, I liked the, I've listened to a few of your podcasts, like I said, and it's been pretty cool to, you know, just take what somebody says or something that you say and be able to just kind of file it into your brain. And so then when I'm deciding that I'm going to sabotage myself or something that'll pop up, and be like, Oh no, JJ says, or someone says, or be aware, you know? And so, I really like creating awareness and that's part of what I want to create on the show too, is just awareness. I think that you're really, everything that you're saying is really helping the listeners to be aware that, yeah, there is so much more. We don't have to live in anxiety. We don't have to live in extra weight. We don't have to live in an alignment with ourselves. And so, thank you, thank you for bringing up that part of it.
JJ Flizanes: No problem. I could talk all day about it. It's a passion.
Shirley Owens: Okay. How about we talk about manifestation. I know, I've heard a lot about that in your podcast. Just like, you know, about creating, about how we can create our days, or how we can create something more positive in our life.
JJ Flizanes: So the physics of law of attraction and manifesting is that, and we all can agree on this. If you want to listen to 102.7, your frequency has to be set to that vibration. And so, 102.7, you are listening to the radio station, but you can't hear what's being played on 102.7 if you're on 98.3. We all know that, same thing with television, in channels, right?
Shirley Owens: Yes.
“Our emotions are our navigations. They let us know when we are aligned or how far away we are from being aligned.” -JJ Flizanes
JJ Flizanes: Okay. So, OUR frequencies are determined by our FEELINGS. Our emotions are really where, they're our navigation. They let us know, like how, when we're aligned, or how far away we are from being aligned. And, you know, sometimes, I don't know if you, it's like the same that you think you're wrong or you think you're right. Whether you think you're wrong, I think you, what is it? You think you're wrong, I think you're right, you are, whatever you believe, you will find ways to prove to yourself. I had a friend, colleague, past client years ago, if you felt her energy, you'd think she was depressed, she was doubtful, she was hopeless, she's a nice person, and she's generous and all that good stuff. If you just like felt her like energy, you'd think, you know, Oh, I feel bad for her, she feels like she's sad a lot, and she feels like she's hopeless, and this is true. Now she ended up having her house robbed. And one of the conversations around law of attraction was, well, I didn't ask for this. And it's not that the victim asks to be robbed, but when you're in victim energy, you're more susceptible to be, like, to co-create in that energy field. So when someone's always worried about looking over their shoulders, like, when's the next bad thing going to happen? Or when's the plane? Oh, the plane's going to get delayed, or Oh, I'm worried about this. Like my mother, I always, I want to blame my mom for my first car accident because my mother, you know, it was like one on and on about, like getting in a car accident. What happened if I got in a car accident? The first time my plane was delayed. Coming back to my parent's house, there was no reason, I had never in 20, 30 years had a plane delayed. And my mother for the first time asked me, do you think it's going to be delayed? I thought, well, why would it be delayed? It's never been delayed before. Plane was delayed, I was like, okay. So, now did my mother manifest that necessarily? No, not necessarily saying that she created that herself, but when we are looking at our lives, like, there's a lot of things we miss.
Do you ever watch a movie more than one time? And every time you watch it you see new things? Well, they were always there. Why didn't you pick up on it the last time? Well, you didn't pick up on the last time, A- because your retention rates, not 100% cause none of us have a retention rate of 100%, but because you are in a space, you were looking for certain things, you were expecting certain things and so those stood out to you. And then the next time, you see old kinds of different things that you didn't even see before. And it's because you're in a different space. So manifesting really comes down to where you vibrate normally. Like, what your belief systems are, how you feel your, you are the cell tower, you are a beacon of energy that omits a frequency all day long. And on any given subject, it could be positive or negative, in alignment or not, you know? But if we get, if we consciously make a choice to be aware of our belief systems, our alignment, our feelings, if we allow ourselves to be guided by trust, and by joy, and by ease, things come easily and naturally. I have a belief because it's been proven over and over again that I manifest food, like, it's crazy, especially pizza. And we went out for pizza last week. Yeah, last week. And I literally, I'm doing a webinar on manifestation and I thought to myself, you know, I haven't really manifested anything in a while that I've talked about. I mean, I'm sure I have, but I haven't been taking notice of anything and I'm getting ready to like promote this webinar. And we were out to lunch, and I, after I ordered the pizza, and I said, it's been a while since I, in my mind I said, it's been a while since I manifested a pizza. Well, they bring the pizza, it's missing an ingredient, I went over and I said it was pepperoni, and I was like, it was there. I said: "I ordered pepperoni, is it underneath all the cheese and stuff?" And she said: "Oh no, we'll make a whole new pizza." So, I got my pizza, and I was like, there you go. It's, I'm just, it happens a lot. And it wasn't even like a specialty ingredient, right? It's a normal ingredient. I wasn't asking for dairy free cheese, I mean, it was already gluten free crust. So once, when it's something specialty, sometimes they screw up that part, but this was a normal ingredients. So, yeah, I have, I've practiced the belief that I manifest pizza all the time, free pizzas all the time.
“Whatever you believe, you will find great ways to prove to yourself.” -JJ Flizanes
Shirley Owens: I love it. I feel like I do that with parking spaces. I always want a front row and then it's happened so many times that when we pull in the parking lot I'm like, well of course we're going to get a front row because I always get a front row, you know, people, I don't know, we call it magic or we call it whatever, but it really is like, I want to put out there to the listeners today, what station do you want to be on? I love that visual of tuning into whatever station that you really want to listen to and see because I too have had so many experiences that there's definitely something to it. Like, this is real, manifestation is real.
JJ Flizanes: Right. And it's not just about the good things. Like, here's how I always sort of want to, any naysayers or people who are skeptics because they think, well, I made a vision board and it's not working, right? Of course, because we're not talking about their emotions and their frequency, a picture on a wall. It has nothing to do with what you're omitting on a daily basis, what you're talking about, what you're saying, and manifesting is happening all the time. To me, when you hear you are the creator of your own reality, you have two things you can do about that. You can do nothing and just be a victim, and that's a choice, and that's fine. If you don't want to believe that it's true, then do nothing and good luck to you, like, but well, how does that feel good? Wouldn't it feel better to say I'm the creator of my own reality and if I don't like it, I'll change it. And then you go, Oh, well let me try this out, let me take responsibility. You know, I had someone years ago after a video shoot for my first product, I had went to get gas and I had three different cards, I think one was a credit card and two were debit cards and they were all, they all had identity theft. So they all were, I couldn't get, I couldn't get gas is the point. And I came home and I knew exactly where it happened. And my first question was, how did I manifest this? Cause I knew, right? It's not random. Could I have said, Oh, I'm a victim of this identity theft and it's happening so many people, yes, I could, but at the same time it doesn't happen to a lot of other people. So, what's the difference? So I said: "How did I manifest this?" And it was very quick. I ended up, I knew the answer right away. When I would go into a store, if somebody would ask me for my ID, it would literally trigger a defensive response in me because I didn't like that someone would assume or think I was untrustworthy. So because of this, I attracted, right, so here's the same thing as like being house robbed, right? I wasn't asking for this to happen, but I didn't like when I got asked for my ID, but had the person who used my cards got asked for an ID? They would have been charged, right? So that is how I attracted that. And how much better does it feel to accept that I had a part in it, then it just feel like a victim.
Shirley Owens: I do love that. I talked about that a lot too. And in creating what we want in our relationships. And so yeah, I think that every part of what you're saying is just so true. I do ask the question on all my shows and I kind of have a feeling while you're answer's gonna be, but I'm really loving your perspective. So I want to ask you, if you were to go back and change anything, do you have any regrets? Or do you have, on the journey that you just told us about, like, do you have anything that you would change?
JJ Flizanes: Yes, I have one thing and it's a pretty personal thing. When I was in college, I was dating the same person for four and a half years. I thought we were going to get married, and part of me, we never ended up having sex. We were both virgins, and I thought we would just get married. And so, I regret not having my first sexual relationship with him because it was a very safe, loving and caring relationship. And a part of me thinks that had I had sex with him, I probably would have married him, which would have been not right. But I came to the conclusion, anyway, for five years later when I was, I mean, I was 21, I was like, this can't be it, like, this can't be the rest of my life. So, I said: "It just had this pole." I mean, there was nothing really wrong with the relationship necessarily except it did kind of lack passion, probably because we weren't having sex. Cause I wanted to, he wanted to, and then we both decided not to because we're going to get married, so why not wait, and then we broke up. So that would probably be, you know, I just wonder what life would've been like if I would've had a more healthier first experience. But again, who knows, that could taken me on a whole nother journey of marrying him because I felt guilty, you know, who knows. I mean, I don't think I would have, but that would probably be the only regret I've had. I mean, I've recently gone through a divorce and looking back, I don't regret any of that, even though it's not been easy for the last couple of years, but I learned so much and I wouldn't be who I am today without it. And all along the way, I was aware and conscious, we just had a contract. You know, I believe that we all come into this lifetime, and we have a path, and we have things we need to learn. And you can't learn something unless something sort of bad happens to you. So, you kind of make agreements with other souls to help each other out by doing the thing that you need to get over in this lifetime. So, I know that we had a contract, and contracts now is over, and I again, would not be the same person I am today without that journey, and I'm pretty happy about what's going on right now.
“I believe that we all come into this lifetime and we have a path and we have things we need to learn and you can’t learn something unless there’s something bad happens to you.” -JJ Flizanes
Shirley Owens: Awesome. I love that. That was the part of it that I kind of expected that you would say. And the other part, I didn't. So, I love learning just that little piece because I think we all do have, you know, like I think in general, our journey is our journey, like you say. And I think sometimes people dwell so much on mistakes or things that they didn't do and that really keeps them from going forward and tuning in and manifesting beautiful things because it locks them up somewhere. But I love that. I love the experience that you bring into, also knowing that this is right where you need to be right now. So that's not perfect. If you were to give one piece of advice to listeners about getting what they want, and you could leave one thing today that would really spark some awareness in their mind, what would it be?
“Our journey is our journey...I think sometimes people dwell so much on mistakes or things that they didn’t do and that really keeps them from going forward and tuning in and manifesting beautiful things because it locks them up somewhere.” -Shirley Owens
JJ Flizanes: I think that you can get what you want, I've gotten pretty much everything I have wanted, and it's because I know that I'm the creator of my own reality. So I'm a big believer in that, even if you don't believe it, even if you still want to think that other people make you feel things, the more responsibility you can take for your belief systems, your communication, your victim mentality, your blaming other people for your circumstances, if you can reverse that, you will get everything you want. But when we're in victim, and again it sounds sort of really ugly and it is, but most of us do it naturally because it's what's taught to us. It's very common to hear you hurt my feelings. It's very common to say it's your fault I feel this way, and so we're not, we don't have an education around emotions, but it is so freeing when you can take full responsibility for everything, for how you think, how you feel, how you react, your wounds, how to heal them, and just let everyone off the hook, and you know, law of attraction is a big piece of that for me, the astrology piece, the algotherapy, I mean I can, I've got a lot of tools invested, nonviolent communication, so a lot of tools invested in getting there, but the freedom that you feel, you know, you can get whatever you want because you're not waiting for someone else to be different for you to get it. So that would be my advice. Really, really be brave and courageous in assuming and accepting responsibility. Not to mean that you're bad or broken. Just to say, how did I create this? How did I track this? What is it that I think, or believe, or feel that helped to create this? Because you know, if it's happening to you, you're the common denominator, not 10 other people who you dated and dumped who have the same issue. You're the common denominator. So go within. It's always really much more empowering.
“Be brave and courageous in assuming and accepting responsibilities… You are the common denominator. Go within, it’s much more empowering” -JJ Flizanes
Shirley Owens: Oh, I love that so much. Well, JJ, I feel like you're such a blessing to people. Can you let us know how we can get in touch with you? Where to find your books? Your podcast?
JJ Flizanes: Absolutely. Everyone can get a free copy of the latest book, The Invisible Fitness Formula: 5 Secrets to Release Weight and End Body Shame. And the website is my name, so it's JJ Flizanes, J-J-F-L-I-Z-A-N-E-S.C-O-M. The book is /book, but you can find everything at jjflizanes.com.
Shirley Owens: Perfect. Well, thank you so much for being on Get What You Want Podcast. I'm so grateful that you've been here with me today, and thank you.
JJ Flizanes: Thank you for having me. It was a fun conversation, Shirley.
Shirley Owens: Thanks so much for listening to Get What You Want Podcast. If you loved it, please subscribe, share it with others, and leave me a review on Apple podcast. You can also visit me on my website at www.getwhatyouwantguru.com, would love to hear from you. Now go create.
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